today, i had someone read my palms.

its not the first time to me, though. its the 2nd time.
and i think its quite different. well the first time i had someone read my palms, she wasn't just told all the good things. (and i should pay for that too.....)

today, she said that im going to meet "the one" soon, and its gonna be good. we'll make a great couple. and she also said that i already had a deep feeling for him, and so does he.

and i was like,"what the hell?"

well, i didn't say like that literally, just only in my head.

i mean, i don't even have any crush right now. and my friends keep telling that it was someone from the past. heck yeah! what the hell. bullsh*t

i don't have any feeling for anyone right now. im just being happy because i have all my friends beside me, and that makes me think that, i don't need boyfriend or even a crush right now.
well, that's not like that, actually..

i mean, being a girl-who-doesn't-have-a-crush is good sometimes. you don't have to think about "ooh, what should i wear today?" or "is this shirt looks good on me?" or "oh my God..im gonna meet him today! does my hair look good? is it neat?i don't want to make bad impress in front of him.."

but sometimes, i feel like i have no spirit to face the day. going to college, meet the friends, then chit-chat, laughing, bla bla bla..its all good, really, and i meant it.

but there's something missing.

when i woke up in the morning,i don't have the feeling like "will i see him today?". i dress too ordinary, cz i don't have someone to impress. and then, i feel like i have no hope. i feel empty.

when u love someone, u were like..seeing a new sunrise. its a new hope, its challenging and you feel like you have to run through anything to catch it and make it by your side forever..

im losing my "sunrise", well i dont think its lost, maybe its just went through the evening, changing palce with moon, waiting for a new dawn..

but i feel like, the night is too long, i want my sunrise!

a couple days ago, me and my BFF had this conversation:

her: hey, i feel like i stuck with this guy. what should i do??

me: well then you just have to wait..

her: wait? but im tired of waiting..im tired of standing here, waiting for someone

me: well..you really just have to wait. one day, someone will come and pick you up

her: but when??

me: well, just wait! maybe he's lost somewhere too, so it takes a long time for him to find you. but you keep this in your head : someone will pick you up, so you don't have to wait again.
~~

and i was just thinking, what if "the one" who will pick me up is really really lost, and then he gave up. then who's gonna find me?

then i think again, "what if im not waiting anyone? will i walk alone, forever?"

so then im here, waiting for someone i'll never know.

Labels: emo

im a terrible hater.

if i hate someone, or something, im not afraid to shown it.
well, why? cz i hate to pretend to be miss nice. i mean, if u like people, tell them, show them that you like 'em. and so is if u hate 'em. why should u pretend that u like 'em? its gross.

i currently hate some people now, most of them are girls. but there's a girl i hate most, it makes the other girls that i hate before seems really nice to me. man, i hate this girl like hell.

and im sure she knew it, and the worst part is, she always playin' nice in front of me, well i don't know the english word for it, lets just say she's "sok manis, caper, dll". man i hate her!

and nobody hate her like i do, because they're gonna say like,"oh, why do you hate her? she's so preeeetty and cuuteee! she's innocent, ya know?" hah, yeah sure. thats makes me hates her more cz hating her make me look bad even more.

actually, i hate her not just because of her attitude. but simply because..im afraid of losing someone. its silly, i know. but it isn't impossible. the one thing i afraid the most is losing someone. its horrible, i dont even wanna dream about it.

that makes me doing any reckless thing, makes me doing stupid thing. but hey, that's just the way it is..

Labels: emo

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say
At least not today

my head fill with anger, and i simply dont know why i lose control. its like, everything in the world is turning their back on me. and its really sad to know that, the one you trust the most, is the one who hurt you most too.

Labels: emo

well here i am. and this is like, my 1000th blog. hope i can keep up with this one. :)